Friday, December 30, 2005

AJewish mother

A Jewish Mother After Hanukkah

A man received two sweaters for Hanukkah from his mother. The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one of the two sweaters.

As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Excuse me, please.

One fine day, a girl proposed to Santa.

Santa denied simply saying that in our family, we marry only our relatives... MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD, MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI, MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON. So please excuse me.


Understading Flies

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."


The Cause of Joy and Sorrow

Somewhere the idea was born that man should live in states of
happiness and joy all of the time. But, in the first place, happiness
and joy depend upon unhappiness and sorrow, even to be recognized or
appreciated. If man would only know that whatever emotion transpires
within him foreshadows its opposite. Secondly, suffering is a greater
intensity, a higher vibration, than happiness. You do not learn much from
your happinesses; you learn from the states of suffering, which awaken
the higher consciousness of your soul. But suffering has no value for
its own sake. When the mind recognizes it is suffering over something
or other, it is time to practice meditation, to see into the causes,
to expand your consciousness a little bit more so that you will grasp
the workings of life and its karmic laws. Then you will attain to a
greater intensity than either joy or suffering has to offer. You will
view the wheel of life, of cause and effect, objectively. And you will
not so quickly identify yourself with the lower emotions or the objects
of your own mind's creation.

Then there are the people who, like a fish caught by a fisherman, grasp
onto the hook, who step on the spiritual path, but spend their time
flip-flopping in the water, tugging at the line, swimming first one way
then the other, never really approaching the surface. Why? They live in
their ego, that's all. Their consciousness is limited. The ego is just a
trifle dumb. Have you observed an egotistical person? He is just a little
dumb, isn't he--not aware of the layers and layers of wisdom within him.

It is the wise man who recognizes the importance of controlling the forces
of his mind. His life is a struggle to make his philosophy real, to gain
control of the cycles of experience which have tied him to the wheel of
karma. You don't escape the chain of cause and effect by just sitting
with your eyes closed, trying to keep awake, trying to meditate. The
genuine practice of yoga involves meeting new challenges each day,
having new realizations each day, becoming the boss of your mind, not
allowing it to flop around at the end of the line. This type of diligent
concentration will definitely change you from the inside out. You will
begin to realize, more and more, that you are the creator of your life
and every aspect of it.

But your incarnation on this planet is not complete until you have
exhausted the wheel of karma, and it will not exhaust itself unless
you gain control of it. The wheel of karma, of cause and effect, the
world of form, is apparent only when you look at it. You only attain
the natural state of your radiant inner being when you step off the
wheel of karma. It is not natural for man to live bound to the lower
states of mind, ignorant of the fact that God dwells within. But the
hearing and understanding of this truth is only the first glimmer of
the dawn, a preliminary awakening. The rest, the final realization,
is up to you. It is up to you and you alone to penetrate the veil of
illusion and realize the Self, the Absolute, beyond desire, beyond the
experiences of the mind. It is up to you to realize God.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005


"Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his minister.

"Definitely not," was the preacher's answer.

"Are you absolutely certain?"

"Yes, my son, absolutely."

"Okay. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year?"

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


* Businessman wins e-mail spam case *
A Channel Island businessman is awarded damages against a company which sent him internet e-mail spam.
Full story:


Daily Inspiration

A sannyasin of great spiritual attainment came to the outskirts of a village in India. He was camped under a tree for the night when suddenly a villager came running to him, screaming, The stone! The stone! Give me the precious stone! Which stone? asked the sannyasin. Last night, Lord Siva appeared before me in a dream, said the villager, and told me that if I went to the outskirts of the village at nightfall, I would find a sannyasin who would give me a stone which would make me rich for the rest of my life. The sannyasin rummaged through his knapsack and took out a stone. Probably he talked about this, he said, extending the stone to the villager. I found it lying on the path in the forest a few days ago. Take it, I give it to you, offered the sannyasin with all simplicity. The villager looked at the stone in amazement it was an enormous diamond. He took the diamond and went away quickly. All that night he tossed in his bed and could not sleep. The next day at dawn he woke up the sannyasin, returned the gem and asked, Give me the inner wealth which has made it possible for you to part with this diamond so easily.


4. International Yoga Festival Scheduled for March in Rishikesh

RISHIKESH, INDIA, December 27, 2005: Every year, from March 1 - 7, Parmarth Niketan Ashram, Rishikesh (Himalayas), India and Uttranchal Tourism jointly organize the International Yoga Festival. The Festival is held on the premises of Parmarth Niketan , headed by H.H. Pujya Swami Chidanand Saraswatiji. Hundreds of students and seekers come from every corner of the Earth to imbibe the divine nectar of yoga. Yogacharyas come from across the world to impart ancient secrets of asana, pranayama and meditation. The Festival also includes inspiring lectures by revered saints and other healing/yogic courses including yoga nidra, nada yoga and reiki. This year's program includes soul-stirring lectures and satsang with revered spiritual leaders - H.H. Pujya Swami Chidanand Saraswatiji, H.H. Sri Shankaracharyaji Swami Divyanand Teerthji and H.H. Pujya Swami Veda Bharatiji. The main Yogacharyas, lecturers and healers include: Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa (Kundalini Yoga), Birjoo Mehta (Iyengar Yoga), Rohini Khatri (Reiki), and David Frawley (lectures on yoga, Ayurveda and Vedanta). Please click "source" for more details and how to register for the Festival.

Prof honoured for solving old math problem

Back to Story - Help
Prof Honored for Solving Old Math Problem Tue Dec 27, 1:34 PM ET

A professor at the University of Missouri-Columbia is being recognized for solving a math problem that had stumped his peers for more than 40 years.

The achievement has landed Steven Hofmann an invitation to speak next spring at the 2006 International Congress of Mathematicians in Madrid, Spain.

"It is like a baseball player being picked for the all-star team," Hofmann said of the invitation to the event, which is held every four years.

Hofmann became curious about the problem as an undergraduate when a professor introduced him to it.

The professor was unable to solve the problem. Hofmann, 47, would have more success when the problem began to take over his life in 1996. Until he solved it in 2000, it was the last thing he thought about before he went to bed and the first thing he thought about when he woke. He spent two to eight hours each day on the problem, working periodically with several colleagues.

"I could be out for a bike ride, and I would be thinking about it," Hofmann told The Kansas City Star. "Sometimes I would be doing something, get an idea and have to stop ... and write it down."

The problem, known as Kato's Conjecture, applies to the theory of waves moving through different media, such as seismic waves traveling through different types of rock. It bears the name of Tosio Kato, a now-deceased mathematician at the University of California-Berkeley, who posed the problem in research papers first written in 1953 and again in 1961.

Part of the problem, called the one-dimensional version, was solved about 20 years ago. Though it was a breakthrough, work remained. Hofmann solved the problem in all its dimensions in a 120-word paper that he wrote with several colleagues — Pascal Auscher, Michael Lacey, John Lewis, Alan McIntosh and Philippe Tchamitchian.

"Philosophically, the reason research in math matters is that by pursuing math ideas that are deep and interesting for their own sake, you will get real-world applications in the future," Hofmann said.

"It is like making investments."

Theodore Slaman, chairman of the Department of Mathematics at the University of California-Berkeley, said solving a problem as old as Kato's Conjecture "is like finding the Holy Grail."

"Once you have solved it, people believe you have an understanding of an entirely new area. The longer a problem has been around, the more cachet associated with solving it."



Anand V Chhatpar | December 26, 2005

The author is CEO, BrainReactions LLC, and has been named among the Top 5 entrepreneurs in the US under the age of 25 by BusinessWeek.

I lived in India for 19 years, and feel fortunate for my wide range of experiences in this blessed land. Born in a business family with a silver spoon, I never had any shortage of resources for learning and growing.

I grew up with the strict discipline enforced by my parents and grandparents and the high standards set by them. I was a class topper all throughout my primary and secondary school, and received tremendous love and support from my teachers and friends.

After my 10th grade, when I went for my diploma in computer engineering to Government Polytechnic, Mumbai, I got to see a very different side of life. I learnt to do hard work with my hands as I learnt things like carpentry, welding, plumbing and smithy along with the basics of technology and engineering.

I commuted in crowded local trains for one and a half hours each way every day to and fro my college. I still remember sitting around a table in the canteen with friends who had come from various remote villages of the state and who were used to studying under the street lights because they did not have an electric connection in their house.

I had friends who had gone through great troubles to afford their education. These sons and daughters of farmers and labourers had, through their perseverance and undying hope, reached a stage where they could finally rub shoulders with the rich kids who could simply get in to colleges by paying huge donations. I knew that a change was in the air.

During my diploma days, I had both a research-oriented focus and an entrepreneurial drive. My internal drive has always been to do something different and stand out from the crowd. I found that many well-established people in India are closed to new ideas. There was often a cynicism about India in those days, and people who I approached with radical and modern ideas used to discourage me or be critical of these ideas.

My friends -- Atul, Sidharth -- and I, using our own research and self-study, started a software and Web development company while I was still pursuing my diploma. We did some innovative work for the time, but always had trouble collecting payments from our clients.

Indian businessmen have the tendency to bargain hard and yet not pay on time, or sometimes, not pay at all.

To pursue my academic and research interests, since it was not possible to do research at the undergraduate level in India, I decided to go to America. The environment I found there has completely changed my thinking.

I became great friends with Osman Ozcanli who was an international student from Turkey, and an incredibly creative and positive thinker. Constantly challenging himself to think of ways to improve everything he touched, his imagination and 'everything is possible' attitude were very inspiring for me.

Having made friends who had come to America from all around the world, I got a truly global perspective. Religion, race, and socioeconomic class become completely unimportant to me as soon as I realised that people are part of this global human race before anything else, and people who are essentially good and care for others are respected everywhere.

Osman and I together designed several inventions and participated in invention and business plan contests at our university. We lost several times with multiple different invention entries. "We never give up" was our motto. It took us 12 prototypes before we could finally win the Tong Prototype Prize in 2002 with the OZ Pack, our ergonomically designed stationery binder.

Osman went home to Turkey that summer and found manufacturers for the product. He even found retail distribution through a chain store called Migros. All of a sudden our product was in 72 retail outlets all over Turkey and we could see people using it. It is the most amazing sight to see random people on the street carrying around and using a product that you designed.

I also found stores in the United States to test market our OZ Pack. We both had no business education, but we were making it happen. Action, I realised, can make any idea a reality. Just start and keep trying until you get what you want.

Osman and I also did an internship together at a place called Concept Studio in a company called Pitney Bowes. There, we learnt the formal techniques of customer-centric innovation, ethnographic research, brainstorming, prototyping, and market validation.

I realised that innovation can be systematically taught. I wished there was access to such knowledge in India, where the potential for improvement and innovation was much greater. We had the good fortune of working under great mentors: Tom Foth, Brian Romansky and Jonathan Wolfman, all of whom are prolific inventors.

I filed several invention disclosures while working there and now have four issued US patents to my name, whereas three more are pending.

I also learned in Pitney Bowes how corporations stifle creativity. Outside our small Concept Studio subgroup, people used to work in cubicles. They had to follow policy manuals for everything: even the margin on the letterheads was pre-decided for them and they had to go through political hoops to get approvals for almost every decision.

When Osman graduated and moved to Chicago to work with Inventables, we could not keep the OZ Pack going. However, brainstorming and innovation was in my blood now and I could no longer imagine working in a traditional type of job. I used to organise brainstorming parties on campus calling some of my most creative friends and people that I had met at the invention contests.

At one such party, Nate Altfeather, winner of the $10,000 Schoof's Prize for Creativity, suggested that I start such brainstorming for companies as a professional service. No such business existed at the time, so it was a doubly exciting project for me.

Nate and I formed BrainReactions LLC to tap into creative young minds and innovate new ideas for companies. We had to do several brainstorms for free for non-profit clients and friends before we had improved the process to a level where we were able to approach for-profit corporations to be our clients.

The breakthrough came when after making over 30 phone calls, Tom Foth, my mentor from Pitney Bowes, referred us to the vice president at Bank of America, and we had our first paying client!

Bank of America was impressed with our work and we got great testimonials from them that got us attention from the media and from other companies who wanted to try us out.

I was still a student then, attending my college classes every day, and immediately after class making phone calls to CEOs and vice presidents of Fortune 500 companies to run my business over nights and weekends. Over time, we improved our systems for finding and ranking our idea generators which ensured superb results for our customers.

The idea generators we had chosen were also winning invention contests and business plan contests after we had found them through our system, so that further validated that our process worked. Our successes with new clients made our marketing change from lots of outgoing cold-calls to returning incoming contact requests through our Web site.

I was at the risk of dropping out from college during my final year, but I stuck with it, spending almost no time studying during the last semester. It was a time when I had stopped caring about my GPA, which was a perfect 4.0 at the time, so it dropped minutely by the time I graduated and became full-time with BrainReactions.

Within six months of being the full-time CEO at BrainReactions, I was named by BusinessWeek as one of the top 25 young business leaders in the US, and the readers of the magazine voted me into the top 5, with me being the only Indian in that group.

The following month, we received opportunities to work for the United Nations and were also invited to Japan by the Japanese External Trade Organisation. The Council for Competitiveness invited me to share ideas on how to make America more innovative and competitive globally.

Meanwhile, I came to India to visit my parents and was awestruck by the development taking place in the top-tier cities. The IT/BPO sector had started booming, high paying call centre jobs were available to graduates straight out of college and there was new infrastructure being built everywhere.

India's top 5 per cent now had the same infrastructure that was available in Silicon Valley. Their payscales had increased but their job satisfaction had decreased, with peak attrition rates as high as 43 per cent.

Therein lay a huge opportunity. The people in Bangalore used the same Dell Inspiron computers, the same broadband Internet connections, the same Microsoft Windows platform PCs, the same programming languages and databases used in Silicon Valley, but the people in the US were making multi-billion dollar Google, while the people in India were still testing office applications and doing grunt-work for American companies. Why?

In fact, almost 40 per cent of Silicon Valley start-ups have been formed by Indian entrepreneurs. Why then were the entrepreneurs in India still doing work on contract in the service sector and not innovating products for the world?

Globally, India was being heralded as a software powerhouse, but I did not have a single programme on my computer that was made by an Indian company. It was time to change things. Indians deserved to have access to the same tools, techniques, processes and training for innovation that was available in the US.

India can be the knowledge powerhouse of the world. We cannot only make products for the world, but create jobs in other countries, especially in the US. My mission was now to drive this change.

With the help of Atul Khekade, my friend from college and my business partner from my earliest start-up, I established a programme called Innovation Trip that could take Indian leaders to the US and get the best of breed experts to train them on all the various topics required to establish a successful innovation pipeline.

MIT and Stanford are considered the innovation capitals within the US, so we decided that those have to be on the tour. To present the workshop on finding disruptive innovation opportunities, we approached Innosight, the company of Clay Christensen, who has written the book on the topic.

Similarly, for teaching customer-centric innovation methods to act on the new market opportunity, we brought in Icnivad that had established itself as the leading innovation house for knowledge processes within Fortune 100 companies.

At Stanford, we brought in Originaliti, a well-known Silicon Valley-based company that would provide insight and training on creating a culture of creativity and innovation within the company.

Finally, we brought in Ken Tanner, author of several books on employee retention and recruiting excellence, to present a workshop on retaining employees and on anti-poaching, which is a huge problem in India.

With the programme in place and with the support of Kiran Karnik, president of the National Association of Software and Services Companies; Pradeep Gupta, CEO of Cyber Media; Pankaj Agrawala, joint secretary of IT, and other top CEOs in India, Innovation Trip has seen a prominent launch.

Today our target should not be to serve 300 of the Fortune 500 companies, but to be 300 of the Fortune 500 companies. We can, we will, and we are taking action towards making India the most innovative place on earth.

Indians are naturally creative and intellectual. Our heritage is rich with diverse thoughts, ideas and prominent scientists. Our culture has taught us tolerance and positivity in the face of adversity.

There is nothing stopping us from channeling our creativity into innovation for the world. Let us learn the best from the West, and enhance it with our eastern mindset and give back to the whole world. Its time for this giant nation to stop following and start leading.

Let us say 'no' to grunt work, let us do something new! Innovate India. Innovate!


Indian origin prof is People mag's 'Smart Guy'

Meenakshi Ganjoo in Silicon Valley | December 26, 2005 10:41 IST
Last Updated: December 26, 2005 12:52 IST

People magazine has featured a geophysicist of Indian origin alongside the likes of U2 frontman Bono in the 'Smart Guys' section of its 'Sexiest Man Alive' issue.

Michael Manga, a 37-year-old geology professor of UC Berkeley, who won the $500,000 MacArthur 'genius' grant earlier in 2005, shares pages with stars like Matthew McConaughey, Matt Damon, Jake Gyllenhaal and Orlando Bloom among others.

"My first inclination, of course, was to say no, because that's not how I perceive myself," Manga, father of two boys, said. "But it is a way to let people know about science and that it is OK to be a scientist."

The list has included academics since 1997 and magazine editors who scanned pictures of this year's MacArthur winners and came across the pony-tailed Manga, said Elizabeth Sporkin, People's executive editor.

"I think a lot of people would be thrilled to have him as their professor," Sporkin said. "He has long hair, he's hip, and he's young."

According to the university publication, UC Berkley News, Manga told his wife, librarian Susan Storch that People magazine had contacted him because he had won the MacArthur in September.

Manga's wife 'laughed for an hour' when her husband later told her he was going to be in America's favourite celebrity rag.

'He just isn't a People magazine kind of guy,' UC Berkley News quotes her as saying.

Manga was one of only two men in academia admitted to the ranks of America's dreamiest dudes.

'I wanted to get information out to people who wouldn't normally hear or see anything about science.'

Although finding it amusing, Manga concedes he is teased about it. 'The MacArthur is so much better,' he says.

'The nice thing about being at Berkeley is that no one reads People, so no one knows about this yet. And that's the way it should be. It is kind of embarrassing in a way, because it's not how I perceive myself.'

His father, who is of Indian origin, immigrated to Canada from South Africa. Manga was born in Hamilton and raised in Ottawa.

Photograph: MacArthur Foundation


Small miracle, big hearts

December 26, 2005

Very few of us imbibe Mahatma Gandhi's words: 'We must become the change we want to see in the world.' Very few of us want to do more than criticise the state of affairs around us. Very few of us take up the initiative to change things. One Chennai neighbourhood is a glowing exception.

Their little miracle holds the promise that if more of us think and do like they do, big changes are easy.

In the 1970s, the dried up Parthasarathy temple tank, in Triplicane in Chennai, had become a cricket ground for children. It was symbolic of the city's water woes.

Now, the tank has more than five feet of water, thanks to the rainwater harvesting efforts of the neighbourhood. Just take a look at the pathetic condition of most temple tanks in the city and you will realise just how much effort has gone into the Parthasarathy tank's rebirth.

T J Ramani, a Triplicane resident, has vivid memories of the tank full of water in the early 1960s. He saw the water receding and disappearing over the years. As a 21-year-old, it pained Ramani to see the abandoned and pitiable temple tank.

"As an individual, how much can one do? I knew the answer to the problem was getting the youngsters of the area together," says Ramani. "Many of the elders in our area also urged youngsters like us to clean up the tank instead of wasting our time playing cricket."

Thus, in 1977, the Srinivas Young Men's Association was born.

"We didn't have any money or any sponsorship like we have today. But we were young, so we did all the cleaning work ourselves. Yes, the tank looked clean but there was no water," says Ramani, who is now the SYMA president.

The dedicated bunch of youngsters appealed for government help. But what really turned the tide was a sudden visit by the then Tamil Nadu chief minister, M G Ramachandran, in 1987.

He had come to attend a do at dancer Vyjayanthimala Bali's house. She, an old Triplicanite, drew his attention to the temple tank.

"I was told that as he [MGR] was going to Fort St George via Beach Road, he asked his chauffeur to drive by the tank in Triplicane. He came and saw the dry tank, and he ordered the concretising of some of the portions of the tank so that it would retain water," Ramani recollects.

SYMA soon discovered there were storm water drains from the temple to the tank, constructed centuries ago.

"We are talking about rainwater harvesting now but our forefathers had done the same thing years and years ago. But T J Ramanionly water from the temple was diverted to the tank and not from anywhere else," Ramani says.

SYMA wanted to bring water from outside also to the temple tank, and sought the state government's and the Corporation of Chennai's permission.

The youngsters collected money from the residents and constructed more storm water drains. An expert brought in by SYMA identified two places where wells could be dug for water harvesting.

SYMA's little miracle got a pat on the back when Tamil Nadu Chief Minister J Jayalalithaa started a temple tank development scheme recently. She selected ten tanks, and one of them was the Parthasarathy temple tank.

And when the officials found out about SYMA's good work, they asked the group of good samaritans to make a film to educate others about rainwater harvesting.

SYMA's CD, which sought to spread the serious message of rainwater harvesting through humour – featuring popular theatre personality S V Sekhar -- was released by the chief minister when she opened the Rain Centre in Chennai.

Another remarkable achievement for SYMA is the way they popularised rainwater harvesting among the residents of Triplicane; much before the Tamil Nadu state government made it compulsory.

H R ParthasarathyH R Parthasarathy, a bore-well contractor and an SYMA committee member, volunteered to harvest rainwater for them, for free.

With water from each street going to the tank, and with all the residents harvesting rainwater, Ramani says the water table of the area has risen by 20 per cent.

"Every member [of SYMA] has taken up the motto of spreading the idea of rainwater harvesting. Our ultimate aim is to bring the water table to the highest possible level," says a proud Ramani.

Now, with a pathway lined by trees, the once abandoned tank has become a landmark of beauty.

To ensure the trees are cared for, SYMA came up with the idea of star trees. So, like the Hollywood Boulevard has sidewalk stars for legends, every Tamil star has a tree at the Partharasathy tank complex.

"We encourage all those who visit the tank to at least water their star trees and also plant their star tree in their own neighbourhood or anywhere in the street," Parthasarathy says.

But do the pressures of life in the 21st century give people enough time to care for their fellow human beings?

"We don't waste time," says Ramani. "The moment we are back from office, we dedicate ourselves to social work. Similarly, mornings are also dedicated to community work."

If only there were more SYMAs across the country.

Photographs: Sreeram Selvaraj


A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor…

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?

"Make me one with everything."

When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"

The proprietor said, "Change must come from WITHIN.


From: Mailed-By:
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Date: 27 Dec 2005 07:08:02 -0000
Subject: Hinduism Today launches Hindu Press International news service
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Aloha and Namaste,

Hinduism Today magazine is pleased to announce the launching of the
first all-Hindu daily news service: Hindu Press International.

HPI is a summary of Hindu news and events drawn from Internet and print
sources around the world. It appears about 20 times each month. HPI covers
all news which impacts or involves Hindus. HPI will report political
issues related to religion. When appropriate, summaries will include
editorial commentary and/or background information to put the item in
perspective for Hindus and non-Hindus alike. Each one paragraph summary
includes a link to the original source when available on the net. You may
view the homepage and archives at

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send any message to:

Please send this invitation on to interested friends, regional media,
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for distribution by HPI. For news items, please provide the source and
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provide an e-mail address.

Monday, December 26, 2005


Today's Quote

If you think education is expensive - try ignorance.

-Derek Bok


Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends' and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced.

"Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?" I asked.

"Have you tried a wife?" he replied.


Silent Treatment

Mike and Joan were having some problems at home and were giving each other the "silent treatment." But then Mike realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning drive with some pals to go golfing.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the 'war'), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am."

The next morning, Mike woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends had left for the golf course without him. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It's 5:00 am. Wake up."

Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests

Sunday, December 25, 2005


God created you out of dust, which he formed into a tiny seed. He divided you into two sexes. No woman conceives or gives birth without his knowledge. No one grows old, or dies young, except in accordance with his decree. Every action is easy for God.

-Qur'an, Fatir, 35:11

From "366 Readings From Islam," translat

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Small things

We can do no great things --only small things with great love.

-Mother Teresa (submitted by Leander72)

I love rice but drink tea/coffee without sugar

You thought rice was the light food to eat which is easily digestible. However, note the following:

A bowl of rice is digested to become ten spoons of sugar. It does not matter whether you eat white or brown rice, etc. Moreover, normal rice has no fibre.
Rice cannot be digested before it is thoroughly cooked. However, when thoroughly cooked, it becomes sugar and spikes circulating blood sugar within half an hour - almost as quickly as it would if you took a sugar candy. Rice is very low in the "rainbow of anti-oxidants"

This complete anti-oxidant rainbow is necessary for the effective and safe utilisation of sugar. Fruits come with a sugar called fructose. However, they are not empty calories as the fruit is packed with a whole host of other nutrients that help its proper assimilation and digestion.

to be continued.....




Friday, December 23, 2005

God hears

Today's Quote

Talk happiness; talk faith; talk health. Say you are well, and all is well with you, and God shall hear your words and make them true.

-Ella Wheeler-Wilcox

Memory, memory, memory

4 Steps: Improve Your Memory in 14 Days

Is there anything more frustrating than forgetting where you put your car keys? As we age, some brain cells may deteriorate or function less efficiently, potentially affecting our speed of mental processing and ability to retrieve information rapidly--or find the car keys.

Now a new study from the University of California, Los Angeles offers a four-step plan to improve your memory with noticeable changes in just two weeks.

Follow these four steps to sharpen your memory:

1. Memory Training
Throughout the day, stimulate your brain with fun brainteasers, crossword puzzles and memory exercises that emphasize verbal skills.

2. Healthy Diet
Eat five small meals every day, including a balanced diet rich in omega-3 fats, low-glycemic index carbohydrates (that is, whole grains) and antioxidants. Eating five small meals throughout the day prevents dips in blood glucose levels and glucose is the primary energy source for the brain.

3. Physical Fitness
Take brisk walks with stretching every day to promote physical fitness, something that has been found to reduce the risk of Alzheimer's Disease.

4. Stress Reduction
Use stretching and relaxation exercises to manage stress. Stress causes the body to release cortisol, which plays an important role in memory preservation. Cortisol can impair memory and has been found to shrink the memory centers in the brain.

Led by Dr. Gary Small, the UCLA study showed that when participants did these four things daily for just two weeks, there was a noticeable memory improvement as measured with a positron emission tomography (PET) scan. Physically, those who followed this program saw a 5 percent decrease in brain metabolism in the dorsal lateral prefrontal region of the brain, which is directly linked to working memory and other cognitive functions, suggesting they were using their brain more efficiently. In addition, they all reported improved memory and demonstrated better performance on a cognitive measure controlled by this same brain region.

"We've known for years that diet and exercise can help people maintain their physical health, which is a key component of healthy aging," said Small in a statement. "But maintaining mental health is just as important. Now we have evidence which suggests that people can preserve their memory by adding memory exercises and stress reduction to this routine.

Tip: Oh, about those car keys. If you keep them in the same place all the time, you'll always know where they are.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Will to win

Today's Quote

If you have the will to win, you have achieved half your success; if you don’t, you have achieved half your failure.

-David V.A. Ambrose



35% of adults believe that 80% of the top 20% of the world's
population are wrong about what 65% of the world believes
50% of the time.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


When I call you
1 ring means i'm thinkin of you
2 rings means i like you
3 rings means i'm missing you
4 rings means i need you
5 rings mean.. BEHRE PHONE UTTHA!

Adding to the TRUTH

If you add to the truth, you subtract from it.

Monday, December 19, 2005


The Pope’s Surprise

Many years ago, a beloved Pope died and went to heaven. Saint Peter greeted him in a firm embrace. "Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great stature in heaven. You may pass through the gates without delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven."

St. Peter continued: "You are also granted an open-door policy and may, at your own discretion, meet with any heavenly leader including the Father, without prior appointment. Is there anything which your holiness desires?"

"Well, yes," the Pope replied. "I have often pondered some of the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the ages. Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the actual conversations between God and the prophets of old? I would love to see what was actually said, without the dimming of memories over time."St. Peter immediately ushered the Pope to the heavenly library and explained how to retrieve the various documents. The Pope was thrilled and settled down to review the history of humanity's relationship with God.

Two years later, a scream of anguish pierced the quiet of the library. Immediately several of the saints and angels came running.

They found the Pope pointing to a single word on a parchment, repeating over and over: "There's an 'R'. There's an 'R.' There's an 'R'... It's CELIBRATE, not celibate!"


Speak English.


A nit picker.

Is tall or has a loud voice.


Knows a lot of dirty jokes.


Back Stabber.

About to be let go.

Gets to work on time.

Sleeps at desk.

Screws up often.

Too ugly to get a date.

Nobody knows what he/she does all day.


Able to BS well.

Spends lots of time on phone.

Can't get a job anywhere else.


A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem .

While they were there, the Wife passed away. The undertaker told the Husband"You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later
he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."


Today's Quote

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.


Truly Bizarre Risk From Eating Hamburgers

Parents, beware! Children who eat hamburgers just once a week are twice as likely to develop asthma and wheezing problems, reports of a new study from New Zealand.

Specifically, kids who eat one hamburger a week are 75 percent more likely to have asthma and 100 percent more likely to have wheezing problems.

It's not just hamburgers. Many foods you might purchase at a fast-food restaurant, including soda pop, were found to increase the risk of asthma, according to the researchers at the Wellington Asthma Research Group based at the Wellington Medical School in New Zealand.

The conclusions were drawn from the International Study of Asthma and Allergies in Chldhood, a research project that involved 1,321 children between the ages of 10 and 12. Diet and asthma symptoms were recorded.

The results are surprising: Compared with children who never ate hamburgers, those who ate them frequently had a much higher risk of experiencing asthma symptoms. The more hamburgers a child ate, the higher the incidence of asthma.

Why hamburgers? It could be the high salt content that boosts the risk of asthma, according to study leader Dr. Kristen Wickens. Asthma has long been suspected to be the result of the high-fat western diet, higher standard of living and decreased physical activity.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, in 2003 asthma in the United States caused:

* 12.7 million doctor visits
* 1.2 million hospital outpatient visits
* 1.9 million emergency department visits
* 484,000 hospitalizations
* 4,261 deaths

The study findings were published in the journal Allergy.


Performance Review Terms, Part 1

Not too bright.

Made no major blunders - yet.

Drinks a lot.

Spouse drinks, too.

Still one step ahead of the cops.


Offers plausible excuses for mistakes.

Won't make a decision.


Buys drinks for all the boys in the office at happy hour.



Gets someone else to do it.

Thoroughly confused.
This news arrived on: 12/


Just brilliant !!!!!
Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it
four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with
hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

Q: what is the opposite of Nagpanchmi?
A: Nag did not punch me

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Difference between repose and lazyness

Repose is good when it is rest, when we have chosen is not good when it is our sole occupation.

- Ludwig Boerne,

Lose weight

Lose weight, remain healthy. Here's how

Dr Neeru Dhingra | December 15, 2005

The New Year is just around the corner. You want to look slim and put your best party foot forward.

image Do remember that merely losing weight is not enough. You need to keep healthy too. In order to do so, you must include cardiovascular exercises -- this means exercising the heart and lungs -- in your fitness regime.

You can opt for walking, jogging, cycling, rowing, swimming, aerobics, cross-training (a movement of akin to cross-country skiing, this is replicated on a machine at the gym) or even go dancing.

Here are some facts you must know about cardiovascular training.

Note: It is advisable to consult your doctor before carrying out any cardiovascular activity.

~ Your basic aim must be to increase your heart rate to a certain level for a certain amount of time. To figure out the heart rate that you should achieve (for a moderate exerciser), just subtract your age from 220 and divide the number you get by 70-75 percent.

For example, if you are 25 years old, 220-25 = 195. And 70-75 percent of 195 is 136-146.

This will give you the range/ level at which you should exercise. If you are not a mathematics person, simply ensure you can carry on a conversation while doing that particular exercise. If you start puffing or gasping for air, you know you are doing it wrong. At the same time, do not walk or work out at such a slow pace that all you are doing is talking!

~ Try to sustain your stipulated heart rate for 30 minutes, three times a week initially. Then, gradually increase it to 40 minutes. Walk or jog for a half hour at least to increase your heart rate around three to four times a week.

~ In the long run, this will increase your stamina/ energy levels and BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate). At the same time, it will decrease your blood pressure and cholesterol levels.

BMR is the rate at which you expend energy at rest. This means you are burning calories even while watching television. The best part is, you will burn fat as well, hence losing weight.

~ Cardiovascular exercise or endurance training will increase your stroke volume (the amount of blood pumped by the heart in one beat). This will, in turn, reduce your resting heart rate (heart rate when you are not exercising). The normal resting heart rate for adults is between 60-80 beats per minute. If it goes below 60, it is even better. The lower your resting heart rate, the better.

How to check your resting heart rate: Keep your palm facing upwards. Place three fingers (not the thumb) on your wrist, on the side towards your thumb. Slightly press down to feel for a pulse. Count your pulse for 15 seconds and multiply that number by four.

Quick tip: It is better to sustain a moderate heart rate for a longer duration of time than to increase the intensity/ level of exercise for a shorter while.

So run, jog, swim, cycle or dance -- just get your heart going and feel great!


Dr Neeru Dhingra is the COO -- North India, Gold's Gym.

Gold's Gym has more than 680 branches in 24 countries and adheres to global standards with state of the art equipment, cutting edge technology and scientifically designed fitness programmes.



> Q] What is the purpose of life?
A] Life is an empty canvas, it is empty and
>> > meaningless. You have to
>> > give a meaning to life. You have to achieve two
>> > purpose a] Be happy. b]
>> > Learn to make others happy.
>> > You have to work on success and you have to work on
>> > satisfaction. The
>> > goal of life is to serve God.
>> >
>> > Q] what is your greatest inspiration from the
>> > puranas?
>> > A] Lord Krishna is my greatest inspiration. He was
>> > multidimensional. He
>> > was a dancer , he was a warrior, he was a helper, he
>> >
>>was a diplomat. He
>> > would nurture the horses , he would be a charioteer,
>> > he was the cowherd
>> > as he was the king. He played every role with
>> > humility. He helped people
>> > win but never shared the booty. He would make every
>> > body free. He was
>> > divine and yet down to earth. He was an interface
>> > between playfulness
>> > and sincerity.
>> >
>> > Q] How do we know our swadharma, nurture our unique
>> > talents?
>> > A] Do what you love and love what you do. Listen to
>> > your own self . Your
>> > body will tell you what your call is. LIKE HUNGER,
>> > ALSO REMIND YOU YOUR DUTY. Mind is calm and it is
>> > also sensitive. God is
>> > dancing within our body, mind is so filled with
>> > other thoughts that you
>> > cannot listen to the call of your body. Listen
>> > your own self. Silence
>> > is roaring. Mind is like a machine anything put in
>> > is crushed . A 'veer
>> > purusha' can listen to his inner voice. Listen to it
>> > and move ahead.
>> >
>> > Q] what is success?
>> > A] Success is getting what you like. Satisfaction
>> > is, liking what you
>> > get. The most important component is hard work. Hard
>> > work involves
>> > strategy. The most significant component is good
>> > blessings. If you are
>> > patient, pure, then grace will fall
>> > LUCK is [labor under correct knowledge], it is also
>> > when alertness meets
>> > opportunity. You need to work SMART. Do fishing
>> > where there are fishes.
>> >
>> > Q] what are failures and how does the youth overcome
>> > them?
>> > A] Failures are when you don't get what you want.
>> > Failures are
>> > pad for success. Failure makes you humble . It makes
>> > you realize that
>> > everything is not yours. It stops you from
>> > developing arrogance. EGO-
>> > means edging GOD out. Look at the siddha purusha .
>> > Qualities of a
>> > successful person should be your ladder to success.
>> > You have to have
>> > patience and perseverance.
>> >
>> > Q] Is life destiny driven, what is our role?
>> > A] The theory of karma. 1] Sanchit karma - bank of
>> > your past karmas. 2]
>> > Agami karma- karma you acquire when you living. 3]
>> > prarabdh - fructified
>> > portion of earlier karmas. My guruji gave me this
>> > example.
>> > There is a river , a boat, a boatman and a motor.
>> > The boat is our body,
>> > river is our previous karma, boatman is our jiva and
>> > motor is our free
>> > will or
>>purusharth. If the motor is not put on, the
>> > boat will travel as
>> > per the speed of the flow of the river. But the
>> > choice is on our
>> > purusharth, the motor if it is on , can increase the
>> > speed of our travel
>> > and it can also go against the current of river . It
>> > is our PURUSAHRTH
>> > that can turn our PRARABDH to our favor.
>> > Therefore at all times pray to god- "forgive me oh
>> > lord for whatever
>> > sins I have consciously or unconsciously done"
>> >
>> > Q] who is the best leader?
>> > A] A leader should have a value of integrity. CAN'S
>> > create success.
>> > CANT'S create failures. He should always believe
>> > that he CAN. He should
>> > have jargon's . he should be a team man. TEAM - [
>> > ACHIEVE SUCCESS] . He should be able to create the
>> > best
>>symphony out of
>> > the orchestra.
>> >
>> > Q] Message to the youth?
>> > A] what a little lamp can do the great sun cannot-
>> > shine in the night.
>> > Never think you are insignificant. Learn to be
>> > happy, learn to be good,
>> > always keep on learning. When sunlight falls on a
>> > crystal it magnifies
>> > into a thousand lights. But when it falls on a
>> > stone there is no
>> > effect. Be a crystal so that when you receive divine
>> > light it magnifies
>> > and reaches a thousand less fortunate souls.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > --
>> > Om Tat Sat
>> >
>> >



Keep going!

Today's Quote

If you are going through hell...keep going.

-Winston Churchill (submitted by gypsy_soul)

Saturday, December 17, 2005

YAJURVED (Shukl) Ch. XIX.9.

Thou who art Power fill me with power.

Thou who art Valour, infuse valour into me.

Thou who art Strength give me strength;

Thou who art the Vital Essnence, endow me with Vitality;

Wrath (against wrong) Thou art, instill that wrath into me.

Thou art Fortitude, fill me with fortitude.





(Brihadaranyaka Upanishad - CH. I.3.28)


In The Mirror

Someone will always be prettier.
Someone will always be smarter.

Someone's house will be bigger.
Someone will drive a better car.
Someone's children will do better in school.
And her husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.

Think about it.
The prettiest woman or a handsomest man in the world can have an ugly heart.
The most highly favored woman or man on your job may be unable to have

The richest woman/man you know - has got the car, the house,
the clothes - might be very lonely.


So, again I suggest, love you.

Love who you are right now and let God be your barometer.
Mirror Him.

Look in the mirror in the morning and see how much of God you see.
He's the only standard and even when you come up short,
He will not leave you or forsake you.

Smile and may God continue to bless you.



Friday, December 16, 2005

Greatest good

Today's Quote

The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.


Now a 'Lord Krishna' surfaces to consort 'Radha'
Saturday December 17 2005 00:00 IST


RANCHI: In a further twist to a bizarre saga that has been hogging media attention, a man in Jharkhand insists he is Hindu god Krishna and has found his modern-day mate - the former top police official in Uttar Pradesh who claims he is a reincarnation of divine consort Radha.

Mithilesh Pathak, a peon in civil surgeon office of Jamshedpur, enacts just like god Krishna, wearing silk dhoti and kurtas, sings songs and even plays a flute.

He is craving to meet D.K. Panda, the Uttar Pradesh former Inspector General of Police, who claims himself to be a re-incarnate of Radha.

"Panda is my beloved Radha and I am his Krishna. Panda has been trying to meet Krishna for a long time. The wait will soon be over," says Mithilesh.

"When I saw Panda on television I knew I have found my Radha. I will soon meet him to end his craving," says Mithilesh. Mithilesh attends his office regularly and completes his work. Even the office staff does not have any problems with him.

Reacting to his behaviour, civil surgeon Shiva Shankar said: "He might be suffering from a mental disease. I know him as a sincere worker. As long as he is doing his job properly, I do not think any action is necessary against him."

Mithilesh joined his job in 1990. His personal life is not happy. His wife left him last year. Mithilesh has asked his colleagues to request the civil surgeon not to suspend him.

Interestingly both modern-day Krishna and Radha are males. Also Krishna's wife deserted him and Panda's wife does not allow him to enter the house.


Food As Medicine

Eat plenty of fish -- fish oil helps prevent headaches.
So does ginger, which reduces inflammation and pain.

Eat lots of yogurt before pollen season.
Also-eat honey from your area (local region) daily.

Prevent build-up of fatty deposits on artery walls with regular doses of tea. (actually, tea suppresses my appetite and keeps the pounds from invading..Green tea is great for our immune system)!

Use honey as a tranquilizer and sedative.

Eating onions helps ease constriction of bronchial tubes. (when I was young, my mother would make onion packs to place on our chest, helped the respiratory ailments and actually made us breathe better).

Salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines actually prevent arthritis. (fish has omega oils, good for our immune system)

Bananas will settle an upset stomach.
Ginger will cure morning sickness and nausea.

High-acid cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.

Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be prevented by the manganese in pineapple.

Women can ward off the effects of PMS with cornflakes, which help reduce depression, anxiety and fatigue.

Oysters help improve your mental functioning by supplying much-needed zinc.

Clear up that stuffy head with garlic. (remember, garlic lowers cholesterol, too.)

A substance similar to that found in the cough syrups is found in hot red pepper. Use red (cayenne)
pepper with caution-it can irritate your tummy.

BREAST CANCER ? EAT Wheat, bran and cabbage
Helps to maintain estrogens at healthy levels.

A good antidote is beta carotene, a form of Vitamin A found in dark green and orange vegetables.

Cabbage contains chemicals that help heal both gastric and duodenal ulcers.

Grate an apple with its skin, let it turn brown and eat it to cure this condition. (Bananas are good for this ailment)

Mono unsaturated fat in avocados lowers cholesterol.

Olive oil has been shown to lower blood pressure.
Celery contains a
chemical that lowers pressure too.

The chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps regulate insulin and blood sugar.

Kiwifruit: But mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, Vitamin E & fibre. It's Vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.

Apple: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.

Strawberry: Protective fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits &protects the body from cancer causing, blood vessels clogging free radicals. (Actually, any berry is good for you..they're high in anti-oxidants and they actually keep us young.........blueberries are the best and very versatile in the health field........they get rid of all the
free-radicals that invade our bodies)

Orange : Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.

Watermelon: Coolest Thirst Quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients
found in watermelon are Vitamin C &Potassium. (watermelon also has natural substances [natural SPF sources] that keep our skin healthy, protecting our skin from those darn suv rays)
Guava &Papaya: Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber which helps prevent constipation.

Papaya: is rich in carotene, this is good for your eyes. (also good for gas and indigestion)

Tomatoes: are very good as a preventative measure for men, keeps those prostrate problems from invading their bodies.


Absence of physical light is darkness, but spiritual light shines everywhere—even in the darkness. Behind physical darkness is Light. When, in meditation, you pierce the darkness, you behold the Spiritual Eye. It is behind these clouds of darkness, with closed eyes, that Christ is perceived. Through the Spiritual Eye you can come into the sphere of awakened silence. Prepare your mind, and meditate until your entire consciousness passes through the telescopic eye and beholds Christ Consciousness now.

—Paramahansa Yogananda, “A Christmas Message to Students and Friends (1935),” from Self-Realization magazine, winter 1992.

Greatest test

Today's Quote

Do you know what the greatest test is? Do you still get excited about what you do when you get up


"Thanks to the invention of the telescope, planets that are 100 billion miles away look to be only 50 billion miles away." --John Wagner


"There's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for Walter O'Malley. There's nothing he wouldn't do for me. That's the way it is - we go through life doing nothing for each other." --Gene Autry


In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her peace.

When she was done, one of the old farmers stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?"

Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!"


In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger."

"Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"


Cute Dog Quotes
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. - Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Do you wish to move your feet?

Today's Quote

Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps, if you are not willing to move your feet.


Pakistan or BAAKISTAN


Rockets fired as Musharraf visits Pak town

Posted online: Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 0408 hours IST
Updated: Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 1037 hours IST

Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf Quetta, Pakistan; December 15: Suspected separatist militants in Pakistan fired eight rockets at a paramilitary base in a troubled southwestern province on Wednesday as President Pervez Musharraf was visiting a nearby town, police said.

No one was hurt in the attack on the Frontier Corps base on the outskirts of Kohlu in Baluchistan province, they said.

A man who identified himself as Mirak Baluch and said he was a spokesman for the Baluch Liberation Army (BLA), telephoned a press club in Quetta, the provincial capital, and said his group was responsible for the attack and would launch more.

"We fired the rockets," a journalist at the press club quoted Baluch as saying.

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"We Baluchis are being treated like slaves. We are at war with the general and we will continue such attacks," he quoted the caller as saying, referring to Musharraf.

Musharraf's spokesman was not available for comment but Kohlu police official Mohammad Qasim said the president was in the town addressing tribal leaders when the rockets were fired.

Nationalists in the resource-rich but restless province demand more control over natural gas and minerals, which, they say, bring few benefits to its people.

The BLA is seeking a separate state.

Militants often launch small attacks on gas, electricity and transport infrastructure in the province, as well as on security force posts but casualties are rare.

Musharraf has been visiting Baluchistan since Tuesday to seek support for a controversial dam on the Indus river in Punjab province.

"Saboteurs and anti-development elements cannot deter the process of socio-economic progress," the state-run APP news agency quoted Musharraf as telling the tribal leaders on Wednesday.

"We are not deterred ... and will continue to steer the country on the path of socio-economic development," he said.

He later laid a foundation stone for a military garrison in the town.

Many people in Baluchistan and elsewhere oppose construction of the Kalabagh dam, which they fear will disrupt water supplies downstream.

Speaking in Quetta on Tuesday, Musharraf called for support for the construction of dams which he said were necessary to support the country's growth.

He said Pakistan would not be held hostage by "terrorists and extremists" trying to dictate their will by "petty" sabotage, newspapers reported.


Contemplate the wonders of creation, the Divine dimension of their being, not as a dim configuration that is presented to you from a distance, but as the reality in which you live.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005




Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose

Netaji missing from crash death register
Mukherjee Judge cites evidence to back claim he didn’t die in Formosa
Send Feedback E-mail this story Print this story
Posted online: Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 0340 hours IST

The death register (left) KOLKATA, DECEMBER 13: Add one more to the swirl of conspiracy theories around Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose’s disappearance.

It’s now with the Home Ministry as Exhibit Number 304. Written in Japanese, it’s a 60-year-old “death register” issued by the local municipality in Taihoku 10 days after the August 17, 1945 aircrash in which Netaji is said to have been killed. The death register does not have Netaji’s name. Neither does it mention the name of the pilot or the co-pilot.

This forms the key evidence behind the conclusion of the Justice Manoj Kumar Mukherjee commission—as first reported in The Indian Express on November 13—that Netaji did not die in the plane crash.

“The Commission’s report indeed cites this evidence. I cannot comment on whether there is any further scope of inquiry”, Mukherjee told The Indian Express.

The evidence he is referring to—he submitted his report last month—contradicts the official Indian line and the finding of the previous two commissions, Shah Nawaz Committee (1956) and the Khosla Commission (1972), which concluded that Netaji had died in the plane crash.

The death register is a 25-page list of 273 persons—Japanese, Chinese and British—cremated and buried under the Taihoku municipality from August 17, 1945 to August 27, 1945.

The Mukherjee Commission had asked for death records of that period from the Taipei City Government in January, 2005.

The death register reached the commission after its visit to Taipei and Bangkok on January 26 and 27 this year. Translator Sandeep Kumar Sett’s letter to the commission (Exhibit 305) reads: “There is no entry in the name of Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose/Chandra Bose, Pilot Takizawa, Co-Pilot Aoyagi and General Shidei in the above documents of cremation”.

Another letter which Justice Mukherjee has cited in his report as evidence against the crash theory is one from the CIA, archived at the National Archives and Records Administration (NARA) in Maryland.

The letter, which reached the Mukherjee Commission via the MEA on Jan 27, 2005, is on the letterhead of the Department of State and is dated June 28, 1946. It says: “A search of the files in the Intelligence Division reveals that there is no direct evidence that Subhas Chandra Bose was killed in an airplane crash at Taihoko, Formosa, despite the public statement of the Japanese to that effect”. This document was informally sent by the Friends of India Society in the US after it was declassified in 1986 but a certified copy reached the Commission only in January 2005.

After Billu Bhaiyya TED TURNER comes to town

After Gates, Ted Turner comes to townAdd to Clippings
[ Wednesday, December 14, 2005 10:50:14 amINDIATIMES NEWS NETWORK ]
NRI New Year Gift, FREE Calling Card
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NEW DELHI: He’s been called the “sister of charity”, has been the husband of Jane Fonda, and on the way to it all, founded a couple of wildly successful ventures like CNN and Cartoon Network .

The stardust is yet to settle after Bill Gates’ glitzy visit and already the Capital is playing host to another apostle of capitalism, Ted Turner. Like Gates, Turner makes money in the morning and gives it away in the evening.

Turner is in town this week along with the UN Foundation Board of Directors to meet a host of government, business and NGO leaders, look at UN projects in the country and, importantly, host public forums to promote public-private partnerships.

Ted Turner is the founder of CNN and Cartoon Network, and chairman of UN Foundation, created in 1998 with Ted Turner's $1 billion gift to support United Nations' causes.

Ted stunned everyone into silence in 1998 when he went to Larry King and unexpectedly announced a gift of $1billion, giving no details, and saying things like "I always loved that Coca-Cola commercial where all the kids got on the mountaintop and sang 'We are the world.'
1|2|3|Next >

.........see the web page of TOI....

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


Today's Quote

A man with outward courage dares to die. A man with inward courage dares to live.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Letter to company

Letter to Company

After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.

Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items.

"Well, what do you think?" his wife asked smiling.

"Next time," he replied. "I'm writing to General Motors!"


Today's Quote

Aim at Heaven but keep your feet firmly on ground and you will get Earth thrown in.
Aim for Earth and you get neither.

Breast cancer changing treatment techniques

Fewer Breast Cancer Patients to Get Chemo

SAN ANTONIO (AP) - For years, doctors have known exactly what to do with breast cancer patients like Eva Ossorio: Poison them. Blasting women with toxic chemicals was considered the best way to save their lives. The bigger the cancer or the more it had spread, the more vile liquid doctors pumped into their veins to try to kill it. But there's been a sea change in the last year.

Guidelines recently adopted in Europe and similar ones unveiled this weekend at a conference in Texas will result in far fewer women getting chemotherapy in the future.

The new advice calls for choosing a treatment based on each woman's particular type of tumor.

``In the past, we made all decisions based on how big the tumor was and whether the lymph nodes were involved. If you had a lot of cancer, you got treated one way, and if you had a little cancer, you got treated another way,'' said Dr. Eric Winer of the Dana-Farber Cancer Center in Boston.

Monday, Dec. 12

Herbal Remedy May Alter Breast Cancer Chemo [Web MD]

Guide to Understanding Breast Cancer [WebMD]

Breast Cancer Risk Calculator: Estimate Your Risk []

Fighting Breast Cancer Stage-by-Stage [WebMD]

Under the Microscope: Common Cancers [CBS News]

Should Chemotherapy Be Used on Breast Cancer Patients? [Netscape Communty]

The New Breast Cancer Treatment Guidelines [Blog: Reclaiming Medusa]

Under the new rules, hormone status - whether a tumor's growth depends on estrogen or progesterone - becomes the single most important factor in picking treatment.

That is why Ossorio, a 62-year-old nurse in San Antonio, last week was started on a hormone blocker rather than the chemo she formerly would have been given for her relatively large tumor. She was relieved.

``I don't care if I die tomorrow. I decided I didn't want chemotherapy,'' she said.

Women have reason to dread it. Chemo is a sledgehammer, killing all rapidly dividing cells whether they are out-of-control cancerous ones or healthy ones that naturally grow quickly, like those lining the mouth and stomach. That's why chemo causes hair loss, nausea and mouth sores.

But the worst part is, it only helps about 15 percent of those who get it after the usual surgery to remove their tumors. Roughly 25 percent get worse despite chemo. A whopping 60 percent would have been fine with hormones alone.

``For the vast majority of patients, we probably overtreat,'' said Dr. William Gradishar of Northwestern University in Chicago.

``It's not that chemotherapy is not of value, it's that the value is smaller in women with hormone-driven disease,'' said Dr. Robert Carlson, a Stanford University physician who led the U.S. guideline-writing group. ``We're trying to determine if the benefit is so small that we should not be recommending chemotherapy.''

Several developments in recent years help doctors pick who really needs it.

First is the realization that breast cancers have different causes, arise from different types of cells, are driven by different genes, and tend to be different in women before or after menopause.

``Breast cancer must be understood as an umbrella of diseases,'' said Dr. Antonio Wolff of Johns Hopkins Medical Institute in Baltimore.

For example, three-fourths of postmenopausal women have tumors fueled by estrogen, called ER-positive disease. Drugs that block this hormone, like tamoxifen and a newer class of medications called aromatase inhibitors, work against those cancers - whether they have spread to lymph nodes or not.

On the other hand, women before menopause often have tumors that are ER-negative and orchestrated by bad genes. Hormones don't help in that case; these women benefit most from chemotherapy.

If hormone drugs are ball-peen hammers compared to chemotherapy, a medication like Herceptin is an even more refined tool. It targets the one-fourth of breast cancers that have too much of a protein on cell surfaces called HER-2 and leaves healthy cells alone.

A woman's HER-2 status is the next factor doctors will consider, after hormone status, in choosing treatments under the new guidelines.

You can see the possibilities: half of HER-2 tumors are ER-positive, but only 10 percent of ER-positive tumors are HER-2-negative.

These aren't black-and-white distinctions, either. Tumors can be weakly ER-positive or negative; same thing for HER-2.

New high-tech lab tests help doctors sort it out. They measure the activity of dozens of genes and reveal which ones are most active and what treatments would work best.

One such test, Oncotype DX, has found its way into more and more doctors' offices since presentations at the Texas cancer meeting last year showed its ability to predict which women benefit from tamoxifen and which do best on chemo.

Ossorio's doctor ordered the test because she thought it would convince Ossorio to have chemo. Surprisingly, it revealed chemo was very unlikely to help.

The test is expensive - $3,400 - but many insurers cover it because it often prevents even more costly and unnecessary chemo, as it did for Ossorio.

Dr. Larry Norton, breast cancer chief at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York, uses it when situations are complex and treatment choices aren't obvious. He compares it to lab tests that pinpoint a germ so the right antibiotic can be prescribed.

``In the old days, people just said 'pneumonia.' Now we say 'what organism?' and that lets us identify how to treat the disease,'' he said.

But relying on factors like hormone and HER-2 status makes the accuracy of lab tests a life-or-death matter. Doctors warn about the wide variation in the quality of such tests, whether low- or high-tech.

``The right (test) is the one that is done right,'' not which type of test is chosen, Wolff told doctors at the Texas meeting who had come to learn about the U.S. guidelines. The new guidance was developed by the National Comprehensive Cancer Network, a group of leading cancer treatment centers, in cooperation with the American Cancer Society.

They soon will be published and are available now on the network's web site,

On the Net:

San Antonio Breast Cancer meeting:

U.S. cancer guidelines:

European guidelines: px


American Cancer Society:

National Cancer Institute:


Wine by the Glass, or by the Bath
Send Feedback E-mail this story Print this story
Posted online: Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 0000 hours IST

A fire flickers. The moon falls on persimmon trees outside. The rooms are full of roses, soft mood-setting music. And on a soft autumn night alive with sounds of water splashing in pools and leaves crackling in the wind, here in the heart of the Sonoma Valley, at the nation’s first vinotherapy spa, who wouldn’t be in the mood ... for a cabernet bath.

Champagne facials, wine massages—these have been available at scattered spas across the country. But, Kenwood Inn says it is the only American spa expressly dedicated to intoxicating all senses with fruits of the vine.

Science has long suggested a connection between polyphenols, which are found in grapes, and good health and longer life. American wine sales are booming. And regional treatments—papaya scrubs in the tropics, maple body wraps in Canada, even chocolate baths and massage in Hershey, Pennsylvania—are hot.

It was but a matter of time before so-called vinotherapy—already a developing trend in Europe—hit big in California wine country and beyond. ‘‘Essential grape-seed oil, honey, salt,’’ murmurs Diana, my vinotherapist, as she slathers grape mix onto my skin. Yes, she says, she believes the scientific claims made about grapes and their anti-oxidizing powers. ‘‘Look at the vines,’’ she says, motioning outside the window.‘‘Vines endure forever. No matter what the weather. They grow and grow. And keep bearing fruit.’’ The idea dawns on me: If all goes well, I’ll emerge from the vinotherapy scrub looking like a grape—tight-skinned on the outside, plumped up and supple within, ready, like the vines on the California hills, to weather whatever comes, with freshness and resilience. Diana sprays grape water on my face. ‘‘That’s the water left when grape seeds are rinsed from the fruit,’’ she says. ‘‘It hydrates.’’ The treatment ends with a final shot of grape elixir on the brow.

Spa trends and, increasingly, obsessive international interest in anti-ageing have helped propel word about vinotherapy and its heady promise across the Atlantic. At the new Patios de Cafayate wine spa in Argentina, in the shadow of the Calchaquo Valley, guests can have baths in barrels of bubbling waters spiked with cabernet and can recharge afterward in a blend of grape syrups, juices, pips and oils. As far away as South Africa, wine lovers at the Santo Winelands Wellness Centre can choose between shiraz or chardonnay cocoon wraps; they can also submerge in wine caskets that pulse with cabernet jets and underwater music, or have a face mask with vineyard flowers and enjoy a range of seasonal grape-related activities.

‘ Guests can have baths in barrels of bubbling water spiked with cabernet, can choose either
shiraz or chardonnay cocoon wraps, and can recharge
afterward in a blend of grape syrups, juices, pips and oils
A French company, Caudalie, entered the picture in 1993, trademarked the word ‘‘vinotherapie’’ and helped push the concept into consumer consciousness. According to company legend, Mathilde and Bertrand Thomas, who later founded Caudalie, took a professor of pharmacology at the University of Bordeaux and a group of students through their Bordeaux winery. ‘‘Good lord!’’ one supposedly exclaimed when the tour wound past a mountain of discarded grape seed. ‘‘Those seeds are worth a fortune. They fight free radicals.’’ Shortly thereafter, Caudalie—the word is French for the amount of time during which wine flavour stays on the palate—introduced a line of grape-based skin-care products and dispatched company representatives to help get the word out about the benefits of grape-seed products, rich in vitamins C and E.

Terry Grimm and his wife, Roseann, who ran the Kenwood Inn—then a 12-room B & B whose guests included Goldie Hawn, Barbra Streisand and Bruce Willis— heard about the vinotherapy boom in Europe and formed a partnership with Caudalie in 2002.

‘‘It isn’t hard to explain,’’ says Mary Blackmon, founder and chief executive of, a Web site devoted to updates on spa services. ‘‘Our romance with wine is in full swing. People are more concerned than ever about anti-ageing. Spas are becoming more a part of people’s life than ever before. And spa-goers are very interested now in finding more unique treatments.’’

With spas moving toward increasingly personalised services, can custom-blended vinotherapy treatments be far behind? Pick your own grapes, blend a vinolift serum that is just right for your own skin type and blend it carefully into your own skin? Could this be the next step in individualised, regionally produced spa treatments? ‘Yes, I’ll drink to that,’’ says Terry Grimm. And bathe in it too, perhaps.


Today's Quote

Lady Luck generally woos those who earnestly, enthusiastically, unremittingly woo her.

-B.C. Forbes

Sunday, December 11, 2005


Subject: Fw: It's a dog's life


If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be
pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.




Home > Front Page
Gates 2005: Rural kiosks to R&D labs
MICROSOFT, INFOSYS Gates-Murthy double bill on software, politics, America
Send Feedback E-mail this story Print this story
Posted online: Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 0154 hours IST

Prime Minister Singh and Melinda Gates, wife of Bill Gates, at Vigyan Bhavan on Wednesday. NEW DELHI, DECEMBER 7: America is at war and Bill Gates, worth $39 billion in packaged software, wants it to merge with China and India.

‘‘Roll the three together and we’d have a heck of a country,’’ Microsoft’s Chairman and Chief Software Architect said today to an attentive audience that lapped up a rare interaction between the world’s richest man and India’s own IT Chief Mentor, N Narayana Murthy of Infosys.

This meeting was the highlight of a day when Microsoft said it will invest $1.7 billion in India over the next four years. That sum is hardly insignificant, for sure, but the interest in Gates-Murthy also reflects Indian IT seeking its place in the global sun.

Gates, who celebrated his fiftieth a few months ago, talked on a variety of topics, from the usual competition-and-mantras to America’s freedom impulse and its wars, its universities and businesses.

Twice during the live telecast of a discussion moderated by NDTV’s Prannoy Roy, Gates, who is on his fourth visit to India, deliberated on the US war in Iraq. Murthy, ten years his senior, meanwhile, got away with answering difficult ones about the backlash against outsourcing.

‘‘Unlike Bill, I don’t mind saying stuff openly,’’ Murthy could say. ‘‘If there’s an outcry against outsourcing, it is India’s failing. It means we have to do a better job of convincing people that there is value for US corporations in outsourcing,’’ the Infosys Chief Mentor said.

After action-packed meetings with President Kalam, (who recently took a positive view on Microsoft’s competition), the IT Minister Dayanidhi Maran and UPA Chairperson Sonia Gandhi, Gates spoke on Iraq.

‘‘I think there are cases where the US has used force, and the world will say it was the right thing to have done, like during World War II. One out of two — that’s not bad,’’ he said.

More came, as Gates stressed on the need for governments to seek ‘‘consensus’’ when the stakes are very high.

‘‘I think Iraq was a very good decision. I really think there should be a very solid reason or an imperative (behind use of force). That doesn’t mean you back off from a committment in another country...In a good democracy, you get smarter as you go on.’’

Besides, as Murthy acknowledged too, the US is smarter at doing business and running universities than all other nations.

‘‘When it comes to open economies, the US has the most open economy I have ever seen,’’ Murthy said.

The one thing India lacks, he added, is that there’s no premium on time in this country. ‘‘We cannot discuss things ad nauseum.’’

The upshot? Both industrialists believe in democracy, though Gates had to talk about it more.

‘‘For modernising the country, democracy is the least bad way to go,’’ the Microsoft chief said. But when asked about their plans for politics, both IT icons were quick to say No.


Rummaging through her attic one day, my friend Carol found an old shotgun. Unsure how to dispose of it, she called her parents.

"Take it to the police station," her mother suggested. My friend was about to hang up when her mom added....

"And, Carol?"

"Yes, mom?"

"Call them first and let them know you're coming."


Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?" Well . . .... You'll love this one!

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his, DDS, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm ... Or could he?

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled SOB asked, "What did you teach?"


I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure--which is: Try to please everybody.

- Herbert Swope, address, Dec. 20, 1950

Saturday, December 10, 2005

children's riddle

Riddle of The Children

Jack's mother had four children. The first was called North,
the second was called South and the third was called East.
What was the fourth called?

Scroll down for the answer:



If you want happiness for an hour
...take a nap.

If you want happiness for a day
...go fishing.

If you want happiness for a month
...get married.

If you want happiness for a year
...inherit a fortune.

If you want happiness for a lifetime others.

Chinese Proverb

God's arrangement

One of God's arrangements is that after winter there should come beautiful spring days. It happens every year and it happens in every life.

-Father Joseph

Friday, December 09, 2005


1. Yes, I am lost, but I'm making G R E A T TIME! Eh





Letter to School

Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Florida forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all human kind.

Dear Hudson Middle School,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Hudson Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless your for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a million pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said, "Drop dead!"

Thanks again!


You want to reveive, then do this -

Give, and it will be given to you.


CUSTOMER CARE today and tomorrow

> Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
> Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
> Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
> Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........
> on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
> Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17
> Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and
> your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now
> Sir?"
> Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
> Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
> Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
> Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
> Customer: "How come?"
> Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
> pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
> Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
> Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
> Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
> Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes"
> from the National Library last week Sir"
> Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how
> much will that cost?"
> Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The
> total is $49.99"
> Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"
> Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit
> card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October
> last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your
> housing loan, Sir."
> Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and
> withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
> Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
> daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
> Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash
> ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
> Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can
> always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
> Customer: " What!"
> Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a
> Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
> Customer: " ????"
> Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
> Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
> bottles of cola as advertised?"
> Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're
> also
> diabetic....... "
> Customer: #$$^%&$@$%
> Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987
> you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
> Customer: [Faints]